does it end???

feeling: joy...depress...anger...stress...fear...exited...hyper...down...emo...guilty

what are you feeling right now???

me...I am feeling scare, depress & guilty...but I don't know why am I feeling this way...this two feeling has been following me ever since my mom leave the house...
It was all my fault, I was the one who told my uncle that my mom hit me...if i din not slip it out by accident...this will all won't happen....

That day, I had a minor car accident in LDP, it din really freak me up....what freak me up was from the phone call I receive-my mom's boss (telling me that my mom is afraid that me and my sis will not treat her as our mother...and mistake my aunt and uncle as our parent) and that is why I know why my mom work so hard she work two job-because she wanna prove and move back to our ex-house, she want to stay with all her children...)

Scare...I am scare to loss my mom...I can't afford to loss her...the fear is back again...It remind me of the voice I heard that warn me(not to go any closer to god, or you will loss the one you love) I am scare...really scare...I work so hard...study so hard is all for a reason-which is giving my mom a good life...shopping, watch drama, facial...I wanna give her the best I can...

I wrote a song lately...but I don't have the courage to move on like god want me too...I feel sad...god did so much of me...but I don't even dare to do a simply little thing he asked me to...

I really don't know how now...

I scare that I have make the wrong decision...because A.Jennifer always bully my mom...my heart hurt so much when I hear she gossiping my mom, hearing from my a.melina-telling me what jennifer said about her, and hearing my mom saying she don't let her do this do that...THE ONE THAT HURT ME THE MOST IS SAYING MY MOM IS CRAZY...she is not crazy...she is just crazy in love with us and god...is that a sin??? I don't think so...

I have learn to control my anger...instead of hating them, scolding them, shouting back...I learn to stand on the other side and see things in many different way...I learn to shut my mouth when I need to...I stay strong and sure of what I think is correct...I don't care what other say...for that is not important...what is important is that how am I going to solve it...and set a good example...

But now.....instead of angry...I become sad...shoot.........